Tips For the Socially Reticent

HIDE AND SEEK

Some people are known to be loners, reticent. If you are one of them, you avoid social encounters. You don’t make too many friends and like keeping to yourself. People, and encounters with them, make you uncomfortable. You find it difficult to have meaningful and positive interactions with others. Maybe you have tried before but it only led to bad results – there were misunderstandings, hurt and heart breaks, incompatibility. Maybe you even feel that most people, if not everyone, are potential sources of trouble. You feel that if you try to build a relationship, sooner or later, something is going to go wrong between you and them. They don’t really understand you, they can’t understand you.

You have decided that you are better off without this trouble. You don’t need them, you are happy by yourself. You believe that people are different, some connect well with other while some don’t. Maybe you are one of those who don’t. You believe that your happiness is within you and you don’t need anything external to be happy and content. You are in total control of yourself, you are totally compatible with yourself, you are enough for You. Why even get into something where you are not totally in control and that is usually painful? Over the years, you have learnt how to live with yourself and be content. You are self reliant now.

Our happiness is within ourselves.

I totally agree that our happiness is within our selves. If you believe this, you are already a very good step ahead of the majority of the masses, who seek their happiness in others and remain forever wanting. There are so many who can’t imagine being alone, by themselves. They seek the company of others more because they seek security in numbers. There are too many people who have a lot of superficial friends but no genuine ones. While sharing happiness is good, looking for your happiness and security in others is weakness.

Those who are like that, those who have no genuine friends, those who have to put up a false front in front of even the closest friends, need to ask themselves what are their reasons for being with such friends.

… Then why connect with others?

Having said that, connecting with others has its benefits too. In fact, it is quite essential in personal growth and multiplying your happiness. It provides two very distinctive good things – one, you can share your happiness with others and, consequently, make it multiply manifolds. Two, you can learn from others.

We are social animals. And we are conscious beings. It is our nature to learn from others, to grow as a result of our transactions, to share our knowledge and happiness with others. Other human beings are a part of our conscious reality. Interacting with them, connecting with them helps us discover parts of ourselves we have not yet seen. It’s a process of self discovery. This world is one big whole and we are all connected. Consciously accepting this connection and acknowledging the bond of love helps us understand our true nature and helps us grow.

Multiply happiness by sharing it.
While our happiness is within us, it expands and multiplies so much more when we share it with those whom we find compatible with us. Don’t believe me? Go out and find someone genuinely in need of help. Offer your help. It can be a helpless destitute whom you provide a meal or just help an old person cross a road. Know of someone who is going through bad times and needs talking to? Go and offer your company. While going to such people may seem contrary to your liking, once you help them, you may be surprised by the happiness this induces in you. Helping others is also a selfish act. It’s for your own good.

Now try connecting with someone whose company you cherish. If there is none, find the closest match you can. Just go up to this person an tell him/her how much you appreciate their company and their presence in your life. After saying this, just sit there, don’t try to make meaningless talk. Let things flow. A deep, meaningful conversation may ensue, or you may just sit in silence together with an invisible bond between you that makes your hearts warm. This, is connection. This is pure joy, a feeling of completeness and not wanting anything else, nor wishing to run to finish another errand. There is no substitute to this joy, and nothing that comes with money can buy it.

This might not come right away, or every time you try, it might take some iterations to remove mental blocks to this flow of joy. But it is definitely worth the effort.

Learn from others. 
The way the actions of others affect you, the way they make you respond, tells a lot about you. It’s an opportunity for personal understanding and growth, that is not to be missed. When you get mad at someone, it is something inside you that you are not happy with. Your ego doesn’t like being held responsible so it promptly points towards the other person.

It’s true that you don’t find every connection positive. You have to seek out those with whom you feel more energized, more positive. Others are also a part of you. They are not to be hated or avoided. It’s just that you focus more on the positives.

When you can see yourself reflected in those around you, your joy knows no bounds.

What about low self esteem and fear?
 Fear comes from the idea of separation. We are not separate from each other. We are all connected. Quantum physics has a lot of evidences pointing towards the connected ness of the whole Universe. You don’t feel afraid of yourself, then why be afraid of others who are as much part of you.. The inputs you get from others may not all be comfortable but they are all useful insights, they are an opportunity to learn and grow, to improve yourself.

If you think others find you boring, you have to start asking yourself questions – ‘Have I been looking for positive connections in the wrong places? Do I need to let go of myself in front of others. Should I not take jokes personally and learn to laugh along with others?’ You will have to ask yourself questions, experiment and learn. It most probably won’t become all rosy right away, growth requires effort. But avoiding this effort will be to live a life less beautiful, it would mean to have just existed.

What to do about hurt and misunderstandings?
Again the same applies. They are a reflection of you and all hurt and misunderstandings are opportunities to learn and improve. Gold shines only after going through fire. And fire is not necessarily bad, it is only so if we think it is. It can be used to burn homes, or it can be used to cook your food. What is bad is no the fire, but the use you put it to. These uncomfortable occurrences are bad if we think they are. It is possible to love and accept them, even learn from them.

You can either avoid such situations, live in a comfort zone, never improving, never growing your happiness. Or you can accept them, stop resisting them and surrender to them, observe them, observe yourself in them, and come out a better, more knowledgeable person than you were.

Bad situations will occur more in the beginning. Once you stop resisting them, their frequency decreases and dies out. You learn and become better with each mistake. Most benefits will come when you have made a lot of mistakes and learned a lot. It takes time, you will have to be patient. The good thing is, the path of real learning is exciting and interesting by itself. You will be enjoying each and every nugget of wisdom on your way!

What to do to make better relations and friends? 
Well, just go out and make them Try, fail, learn, try again…

You will find the way.

*****

If you have a problem with people, it points to something about yourself that you don’t like. But ignoring or avoiding them is ignoring a part of yourself.

Whatever we see and perceive, is part of our reality. We learn and grow by observing our world. While all objects are beautiful and magnificent in nature, nothing compares to connecting with a conscious being. Connecting with objects feels good, connecting with trees, who are living beings like us, feels better. Animals are even better. When you observe and connect with animals, especially pets, you feel so intensely alive and aware. They are so totally ‘in the moment’ that they pull you into it. The next, higher level is connection with another conscious human being. It’s almost like looking into a mirror.

Like any other thing that is helpful, being able to create meaningful and up lifting relationships comes with some effort. If you say you don’t need people and social interactions, I think you are just shying away from a bitter truth – you don’t want to make the effort and lack the courage it takes to build fulfilling relationships.

Make the effort, don’t be lazy, don’t deny yourself life. Expand into your true self.

Source: Rahul Singh, http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/tips-for-the-socially-reticent/

How To Stop Making Yourself Sick!

Nobody WANTS to be sick.

Right?

Before reading a fabulous book called The Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin [http://www.sedona.com], I would have gotten all up in your grill at the suggestion that I wanted to be sick.  If you had told me that I, myself, caused my own sniffles, them’s woulda been fightin’ words (once I got better).

After reading the book and practicing the exercises in it for a while, I’ve developed the ability to literally will colds away within an hour of noticing their approach.  The nitty-gritty of how this is done and why it works can be found in the book.

But I’ll give you a hint: it begins (and often ends) with accepting the fact that, just maybe, you want to be sick.

There’s a great deal of research on the mind-body connection and psychosomatic illness. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychosomatic_illness]  Accumulated human wisdom from ancient cultures such as India and China have offered us scores of anecdotal evidence pointing to the mutual influence of mind-upon-body, body-upon-mind.

If you’re open to the idea that much sickness isn’t completely – or even mostly – pathogenic [ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Germ_theory_of_disease ] (i.e. caused by microorganisms) and that you exercise a profound control over your own well-being . . . Read on!

What possible benefits could coming down with a nasty bug offer you?

The Vestigial Tail: Attention/Approval

To varying degrees, we have all been conditioned to seek attention and approval from others.  This serves a survival purpose as children, when we are dependent upon our caretakers to inform our actions.  In adulthood it’s a major friggin’ encumbrance.

Ex:

- Child eats pineapple chunks with hearty appetite and displays affinity for the piano = praise and attention from caretakers (who in turn seek it from other, presumably envious parents.)

- Child ponders terroir of dog’s twice-buried chew toy and displays affinity for gleefully peeing on playmates = can of whoop-tushy and “why can’t you be more like child X?”

Given the distinctly pleasant nature of the first option and the yuckiness of the second, we slowly but surely learn to seek approval and attention.

Now you’re an adult.

Imagine this type of scenario:

You – feeling overworked, under-appreciated and pissed off about both, begin to wonder what the point of it all is.  Your subconscious decides that you need a break because your body can’t take any more and mobilizes your immune system for a healing crisis, [ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Healing_crisis ] otherwise known as a “cold”.

Your symptoms manifest and open the way for a deluge of commiseration from coworkers, friends and family.

Despite your utterly sabotaged productivity, you bravely put in your hours and the boss praises your suicidal adherence to a beloved societal maxim: “work for work’s sake is path to enlightenment!”

Or you take a sick day.  Whichever.

In either case, you’ve successfully averted/postponed odious duties, received soothing consolation and basked in the temporary glory of “MIA office soldier” status.

Nah, you wouldn’t want all that.

Would you?

The details surrounding your particular situation may vary, but allow yourself to consider – ever so briefly – that you may be manifesting what it is that you want all along.

Your personal resiliency may have to do with honestly admitting that you would gladly welcome many minor disasters – and letting go of the want.

This is called being present to experience.  It means that you refuse to subordinate the needs of the body to ideas/stories about those needs.

These are the first giant steps to reclaiming your health and the honesty that this process forces you to exercise with yourself can have many unexpected benefits in every facet of your life.

Source: Vic Dorfman, http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/how-to-stop-making-yourself-sick/

Why Waking up Early Is So Difficult

As lazy as cats?

Do you drink coffee? Have you ever tried to stop?

Me neither. I like coffee.

But what about getting up early? Have you ever tried waking up early? How did it go?

That was a challenge for me. I used to dread getting up early – especially for work!

I mean 40 hours a week working in a job you don’t enjoy… who the heck wants to do that?

But nowadays I love getting up early. Yeah, you heard me… I absolutely love it.

It’s so much fun to be up before the sun rise. It feels like I have a head start over everyone else… like I have some sort of secret that nobody else knows about – and if you “get” what I’m going to share with you by the end of this article – you’ll know the secret too 

Would you like to hear it?

I’m sure you would. But first let me explain something important. There are two different ways you can get up in the morning.

Strategy #1: In my personal opinion, this is the more difficult of the two. It’s like pulling teeth, but you would be surprised how many people still use it. I used it for 28 years because I didn’t know any better because I thought that was how everybody woke up!

Here’s how it goes. As soon as you hear your alarm or start to wake, you either press snooze or turn off your alarm. Then after what seems like an eternity you get this negative feeling in your gut… similar to a feeling you may have had in before when you were late (or almost late) for work. As this feeling starts to intensify, you begin to make pictures of being late for work – and worse – your boss yelling at you. Then when the feeling is strong enough, you scare yourself awake and jump out of bed.

That’s how most people wake up. This strategy works well because it is a moving away from strategy. When you move away from negative feelings you are waking up with this strategy. That’s what motivates a lot of people to get out of bed – that negative vibe.

But there is a much better way. The second strategy is my preference and one I’ve been using for the past 5 some years without missing a beat. Would you like to know it?

I thought you would.

Strategy #2: The second way to get out of bed is to by using positive feelings to wake up. It’s also known as a moving toward strategy. I’ll sit in my bed for a few minutes when I first wake up and think of something positive that feelings good to me. As I sit with that positive feeling for a few minutes I get positive new memories and images floating in my mind.

Sometimes the experience seems so real that I forget that I’m in bed. As these experiences get richer and more compelling I usually thrown in something that I would like to accomplish for that day (as it already being accomplished).

I do this for 15 minutes every day… and when I do, I jump right out of bed because I feel great. And here’s the best part: because I’m influencing the part of my brain that is unconscious, that great feeling – that great vibe carries with me throughout the day. It’s probably one of the best (if not the best) way to get out of bed.

Much better than scaring yourself out of bed.

Use this strategy for at least a month every day and I guarantee it will be the best month you have. This is forward thinking at it’s best. You’re moving towards a future event that inspires you and that’s why it’s so much fun.

Which strategy do you use? Do you have fun waking up early? Why not?

Source: Steve Martile, http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/why-waking-up-early-is-so-difficult/