Do you know your ABC’s? How to Control Negative Self-Talk

Melancholy of sadness?

Everyone has an inner dialogue that runs day and night signaling what to do, what to say, and how to feel. Most of time, people just go through the day unaware of the impact their inner thoughts have on their everyday behavior.

Though, what we say to ourselves has serious ramifications, particularly if the thoughts are critical, worrisome, and victimizing.

You probably don’t notice many of the thoughts you’re reacting to because they’ve become automatic. They arrive spontaneously and can be tough to recognize. Thoughts can be like tapes playing over and over in your head, and when negative, can tell you things like, “you’re not good enough,” “you’ll never get over this problem,” and “what if something horrible happens?” 
If this sounds familiar, it’s likely that these self-defeating thought patterns have been a part of your self-identity for a long time. They’re just like a bad habit you can’t seem to break, and maybe don’t really recognize you’re engaging in half the time. They seem to be a part of who you are, and how you interact with the world.

Don’t let your inner-critic control who you are and what you can become. These thoughts are often irrational, and don’t have much ground in reality. Think about how much of the worrying you do actually comes to fruition?  For most people, it’s not much.
“I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” – Mark Twain
It’s time to tame your gremlin and manage that inner critic?

Separate thinking, feeling, and acting

Recognize when you have limiting and critical thoughts, and accept you’re going to feel anxious, inadequate, and uncertain at first. Begin to understand this connection between thinking and feeling, and break the identification with the feelings that accompany negative thoughts.
You need to recognize how these thoughts make you feel and pay attention to the physical sensations that accompany these destructive thoughts and emotions. This can mean paying attention to your bodily reaction first. How does your body change? Do you get butterflies in your stomach of feel nauseous? Does your heart rate increase and palms start to sweat?
This can be easier than noticing your thoughts, as thoughts can be automatic.

Most importantly, separate your behavior from thinking. Don’t let feelings of inadequacy prevent you from taking action and moving forward in life. Don’t immediately react to your thoughts. Be willing to separate the irrational thought from what is really going on, before reacting and jumping to conclusions.

Learning to recognize how thinking, feeling, and acting influence each other, helps you to develop emotional awareness, and to start monitoring and managing negative thoughts and behaviors.

Teach yourself a new way of thinking: “Challenge” negative thoughts

Use the ABC model to help manage your thoughts and feelings
A = Actual Event: State the actual situation that brought on the emotional state.
B = Beliefs: Describe your thoughts and beliefs about the situation that created these emotions and behaviors.
C = Challenge: Dispute the negative thoughts and replace them with accurate and positive statements.
It’s time to realize that the thoughts you have are driving you life. You have been habitually thinking yourself into your current situation, and probably don’t believe you can change the way you feel.

Though, this can be done by recognizing the thoughts you’re having and replacing any negative thoughts with more positive statements. When you start to notice your bodies’ reaction to anxious and detrimental thinking, you can start to become present, consider how you want to react, take a step back, relax, and rationalize what’s really going on. This is where the “Challenge” step comes into play.

Start to counter negative self-talk with questioning and supportive statements.
If you experience critical, worrying, or victimizing thoughts, ask yourself, “What is the evidence for this?” “Am I being fair and objective with this thought?”
If you can realize the foolishness in your previous negative thought, then provide a counter-thought, or positive statement to replace the negative thought.
Pay close attention to your triggers
Start noticing the thoughts you’re having, and write down any that cause worry, anxiety, or distress. You may have to keep a log or diary to gain the necessary self-awareness to make serious progress.

After you capture the thought in writing, consider:
What was the trigger for this thought?
How did it make me feel?
How did I react?

Pay attention to what you’re doing and who you’re with when the negative thinking emerges. This will help you gain insight into those people and places that can prompt self-limiting thoughts.

Again, provide an alternative way you could experience the situation, write down your counterstatement and REHEARSE!

Keep focusing on healthy positive statement and begin training your thinking patterns to change the way you feel. This will ultimately start to change the way you act and the activities you pursue. Notice how these new thoughts make you feel, and the new quality of life that is emerging.

It may take awhile, but eventually these new thoughts will make you feel more confident, assured, and resilient. With awareness and practice you can start to discredit your negative thinking, and recognize you were meant to feel good and be great.

Source: Joe Wilner, http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/do-you-know-your-abc%E2%80%99s-how-to-control-negative-self-talk/

Why Waking up Early Is So Difficult

As lazy as cats?

Do you drink coffee? Have you ever tried to stop?

Me neither. I like coffee.

But what about getting up early? Have you ever tried waking up early? How did it go?

That was a challenge for me. I used to dread getting up early – especially for work!

I mean 40 hours a week working in a job you don’t enjoy… who the heck wants to do that?

But nowadays I love getting up early. Yeah, you heard me… I absolutely love it.

It’s so much fun to be up before the sun rise. It feels like I have a head start over everyone else… like I have some sort of secret that nobody else knows about – and if you “get” what I’m going to share with you by the end of this article – you’ll know the secret too 

Would you like to hear it?

I’m sure you would. But first let me explain something important. There are two different ways you can get up in the morning.

Strategy #1: In my personal opinion, this is the more difficult of the two. It’s like pulling teeth, but you would be surprised how many people still use it. I used it for 28 years because I didn’t know any better because I thought that was how everybody woke up!

Here’s how it goes. As soon as you hear your alarm or start to wake, you either press snooze or turn off your alarm. Then after what seems like an eternity you get this negative feeling in your gut… similar to a feeling you may have had in before when you were late (or almost late) for work. As this feeling starts to intensify, you begin to make pictures of being late for work – and worse – your boss yelling at you. Then when the feeling is strong enough, you scare yourself awake and jump out of bed.

That’s how most people wake up. This strategy works well because it is a moving away from strategy. When you move away from negative feelings you are waking up with this strategy. That’s what motivates a lot of people to get out of bed – that negative vibe.

But there is a much better way. The second strategy is my preference and one I’ve been using for the past 5 some years without missing a beat. Would you like to know it?

I thought you would.

Strategy #2: The second way to get out of bed is to by using positive feelings to wake up. It’s also known as a moving toward strategy. I’ll sit in my bed for a few minutes when I first wake up and think of something positive that feelings good to me. As I sit with that positive feeling for a few minutes I get positive new memories and images floating in my mind.

Sometimes the experience seems so real that I forget that I’m in bed. As these experiences get richer and more compelling I usually thrown in something that I would like to accomplish for that day (as it already being accomplished).

I do this for 15 minutes every day… and when I do, I jump right out of bed because I feel great. And here’s the best part: because I’m influencing the part of my brain that is unconscious, that great feeling – that great vibe carries with me throughout the day. It’s probably one of the best (if not the best) way to get out of bed.

Much better than scaring yourself out of bed.

Use this strategy for at least a month every day and I guarantee it will be the best month you have. This is forward thinking at it’s best. You’re moving towards a future event that inspires you and that’s why it’s so much fun.

Which strategy do you use? Do you have fun waking up early? Why not?

Source: Steve Martile, http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/why-waking-up-early-is-so-difficult/

The Importance Of Finding Out What Motivates You

Stick and Carrot

First, let’s find out what the importance of motivation is exactly. Simply put, motivation is that driving force which allows you to achieve your goals and go after what you want in life. If you want to change your personality for the better, get a promotion at work, start a new habit, be a better person who is part of the community, become a better parent for your kid – all of these things would be easier accomplished if you are properly motivated.

As long as you have a strong personal motivation, you can achieve almost anything that you want from life. However, remember not to fall into the trap of looking for short-cuts to achieve your goals. It’s perfectly fine if you have to take a long and winding road to achieve your goal. It will even be a sweeter victory when you finally achieve your goal, knowing that you have had to go through several hurdles to attain it.

How Can I Develop Motivation in Life?

So how can you develop motivation in life? If you wish to accomplish a goal – be it short-term or long-term in nature – how can you find it in you to be properly motivated? Here are a few things that you should keep in mind:

1. Focus on one goal at a time.

This should be partnered with the fact that you should make sure that your short-term goals all help in achieving your long-term goals. One of the best ways for you to focus on one goal at a time is to make a diary of your goals – yes, write it down – so that you will have a visual representation of the things that you want to achieve rather than letting it all get lost in your head.

1. Get rid of all the distractions which might prevent you from achieving your goal.

Let’s say that you are a writer who wants to finish a book. How can you type away on your keyboard one chapter after another if there are many distractions surrounding you like television, friends chattering away or the lure of aimlessly browsing through the Internet. In order for you to stay properly motivated, make sure to steer clear of any distractions.

1. Completely block out any negative influences.

Finally, make sure that you are completely blocking out any negative influences in your life. If you feel that you are being distracted from your goal by a problem which does not seem to go away, ask yourself what you can do to eliminate such a challenge and distraction in your life. Maybe you are being sidetracked by negative thoughts and feelings because you have no faith in yourself. Addressing the root of the problem, completely blocking out any negative distractions and thinking purely positive thoughts is the best way for you to develop motivation in your everyday life.

Constantly Work At Motivating Yourself

A goal doesn’t do you much good unless you are constantly thinking about, and working towards it. Write down your goal and place it somewhere that you will see it at least 1-2 times a day. If you have a weight loss goal, place your written goal beside the refrigerator. If your goal is to get physically stronger, place your written goal near your weight bench so you can see it when you are working out. This provides the extra motivation you need for those tough days.

A great way to motivate yourself with business goals is to put up a motivational quote beside your desk. Do a Google search for motivational quotes, then print off one and put it inside of a picture frame. Keep it there and read it occasionally throughout the day. Whenever you find yourself not looking at the quote anymore, or it no longer provides the inspiration that it once did, it’s time to change the quote. It’s perfectly OK to change this quote every 1-2 weeks for maximum motivation.

Some people make a habit of reading their goals either when they first wake up or right before they go to bed. When you read your goals upon arising, you may begin to notice that you find yourself doing more each day to help you reach your goals. Similarly, when you read your goals right before bed, you may notice that you wake up with good ideas that you never thought of before.

Final Thoughts

It’s important to have motivation in your life. Motivation is the fuel that you need to continue striving for your goals. Soak up motivating things in your life on a daily basis. Read great books that will inspire you. Read great blogs that are both positive and informative.

It’s human nature to have days were you aren’t very motivated. However, if you continue to surround yourself with positive and motivational things, those days will be few and far between.

Source: Ryan Whiteside. http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/the-importance-of-finding-out-what-motivates-you/

5 Motivational Tips to Get You Through the Day

Be motivated!

Your motivation is what pushed you to succeed and determines to a large degree if you are going to succeed or fail. But even the most motivated person needs a little extra help sometimes.

When the going gets tough these 5 tips can help you turn the day around and get you back on track.

Getting out of a cold streak
 I recall using these techniques with one of my salesmen; he was having a really bad week and was on the verge of just giving up, working just meant another rejection anyway.

At the beginning of the month we had set the goal that he was going to make two sales a week and agreed upon a very nice reward if he made it.

He was still motivated, as he really wanted the reward, but just couldn’t focus and get hungry about his work.

We went through these 5 tips (I will share the results with you below):

•    Focus on Your Goals
Your motivation stands in direct relationship to how clear your goals are, they are the source of your motivation. When you feel down, focus on them, visualize them and think about how great it will be once you have completed them.

•    Reward Yourself for Finishing Tasks
This is a great technique. Whenever you finish a task or complete a goal, give yourself a reward.
It can be a cup of coffee, a 10 minute break, a weekend away…. Anything that gets you motivated.
By doing this you train yourself to want to complete the goals and tasks as quickly and efficiently as possible, you will work hard to complete your goals, get the reward and move on the next. Always remember though, make sure you do the job well, you don’t want to have to go back and redo the task you already thought was finished.

•    Take a Short Walk
Sometimes you need a break, to clear your mind and get yourself back on track. Taking a walk is a great way to sort your thoughts and refocus.

•    Remember That When You Are Done, You Are Done
By this I mean that once you have done everything you need to do during the day, you are finished and can go home. That gives me a burst of motivation every time the day starts to feel long, it is up to me to make it go quickly so I can relax.

•    Call a Loved One for Inspiration
Sometimes we cannot do it alone. Make sure to find a friend or loved one who can help you when you need motivation, who you can call and who you know will tell you that you can do it and that they know you are great.

That help really makes a big difference.

So how did it go for my colleague?
He started by getting out of the office and taking a walk. He then sat down and made an action plan listing rewards for finished tasks. He knew he wanted to complete the goal and was going to do everything in his power to complete it.
He got back to work and after 3 hours of hard work had made a dozen great calls, lined up some potential customers but still not made a sale.
He felt he was slipping back into his apathy, so he called his wife. She talked to him, listened to him and spurred him on.

When they hung up he had renewed his energy and got back to work. 1 hour later he had made a close and his confidence came rushing back.

2 weeks later he was back on course and on his was to break his personal best.
That is the power of these easy techniques.

If you are having a tough time, don’t let that get you down. Refocus and let yourself be all that you can be!

Action Exercises
•    Set your goals
If you haven’t already, spend some time writing down your most important long term and short term goals.

•    Determine a good reward that motivates you to complete tasks and goals

•    Talk to someone you trust and ask them to be a source of motivation for you when you need it.

Source: Daniel Wood. http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/5-motivational-tips-to-get-you-through-the-day/